When I am driving on a trip or around town, I like when I can drive with the cruise control on. It keeps my car at a consistent pace and keeps me from speeding (as long as I don't set the control at a speed above the limit!). But I have found myself here lately in my life driving with my cruise control on. Just going through my days not really focusing on the journey that I am on. Letting life kind of pass me by, so to speak.
I have not binged or fallen off the food wagon, but just have not dug deep enough to push myself through some tough spots in my life. I have become very comfortable in eating the same foods so as not to have to think about having to fix something different. I have become hit and miss in my exercise. But some of the events that have happened or are happening in my day to day life have knocked the wind out of my sails so to speak.
I don't share a lot about my personal life on my blog except what has been the happy spots in my journey. But I need to get this out, process it and get back on the journey! Here lately I have been very content to just park at a roadside picnic area and just watch life go by!
My dad is struggling with the early stages of dementia and also with cancer. It is very hard to see a parent struggle with such harsh diseases. My dad has always been very active and busy. He loves to drive and go places. So much so when he retired from the grocery store business he took up driving for a local dealership as a part time job! Now I see a man who has good days and bad days. Can't drive any longer due to the confusion of his illness. This has had a harder effect on me than I really thought it would. My mom is an amazing woman! She has handled all of this with grace, mercy and honor. I know these days, weeks and months have been very rough on her emotionally and physically, but I admire and appreciate all of the care that she has given to my dad. I am truly blessed with my parents.
My mom's oldest sister passed away a few weeks ago after a long struggle with health issues. It is always hard to lose those that you are close to and love dearly! I struggled with not being there with and for my family! I love where God has us in ministry...but there are days that I wish I could get home more. But God has his reasons and I have to trust those reasons!
Yesterday (September 1, 2013)while I was at church we had a guest speaker. I have always believed that God knows me and cares about me, but yesterday was one of those days that I NEEDED to be reminded that God knew exactly where I was. God didn't disappoint! The sermon yesterday was God takes the ruins and makes them glorious! Then in the afternoon, we headed to Branson to Silver Dollar City (our favorite amusement park)for the Southern Gospel Picnic Festival. The weather was beautiful, even during the drizzling rain! Was reminded that God's love for me is like a gentle rain bringing a season of refreshing to a parched and dry land! They have a concert every night after the park closes. We rarely stay for these..just because we want to get home. But last night we stayed! I am truly thankful that we stayed. One of my favorite comedians, Dennis Swanburg, was there along with a wonderful southern gospel group, Greater Vision! I love new praise and worship songs..but oh how I miss the "old" songs that I have sung all of my life that find their way into the very spots of your heart and spirit! God spoke and filled my heart with the words and music of just about every song. As I have grown up, I had heard the saying that when you have those special God moments that God did know your address and exactly where you were! Well after the day I had yesterday...I know that not only did God know my address, He was right there with me, wrapping His arms around me and letting me know that HE does care and He does love me!
I don't ever like to admit when I am going through a tough time because I am the "strong one". I am the "encourager", I am the "cheerleader". I can't let people know that I struggle. Well we are all human and we do struggle..but the last few weeks I have just been in a holding pattern and a fog. When I am asked advice about losing weight I always tell people...GET A FRIEND..don't do this alone! It gets very tough to do this journey alone!!! I have to say that I am truly thankful for the friends that God has put into my life! My training and race running buddy, Angela told me that if I EVER got into a funk that I had been in and didn't tell her the next time..she was going to beat me! I believe she would do it!! :) But I am thankful for her along this crazy journey and several others from my WW group and my leader, Vicki, that I have speaking into my life during this journey!
I have had to ask myself, while in this holding pattern, What exactly is it that I am afraid of? What is holding me back from reaching my goals? What do I need to do to get out of this holding pattern? As I am working on those answers..today was a brand new day...I started it by going on a walk/jog! Until I can figure out all of it..I'm going to do what I know works and keep on keeping on on this journey. I am not going to quit! I have come way to far on this journey to stop and go backwards! There is still more to do!!
Well this is me being very real....
Keep on keeping on...it's the only way we will ever reach our goals!!!
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